I've had something on my mind for a while now....
There is no single right way to do anything, especially the things that matter.
When I was in the fitness industry, this showed up a lot.
Folks would ask me for the "best" exercise for their arms or their gluts or their abs and my answer was always the same..."it depends".
As someone who loves to cook, I often get asked what my favorite recipe is...and surprise surprise, I respond with "it depends"
The same thing rings true in relationships...
Is it good to spend a lot of time with my partner or do I need distance?
Can I meet someone serious on Tinder?
Should I walk away from a fight or see it through in the moment?
What's better? Monogamy or non-monogamy?
If I enter into a non-monogamous relationship is polyamory the way to go? Are play parties the best thing for me?
Is it healthy to have a separate bedroom from my partner?
And you know what the only consistent answer to any of these questions is?
IT DEPENDS
Each of us holds a unique set of memories, traumas, unconscious and conscious biasses, perspectives on how the world works, desires, kinks, needs.
On top of that, we're ever changing beings, so what might be helpful and healthy for us in this moment might not be if we were to repeat it tomorrow...
This understanding has pissed me off and set me free over and over again in my life.
I can't tell you how many times I've moaned in frustration that there isn't a simple answer or a google search that will help me unlock the door to my most fulfilled life.
But once I move through the frustration and subsequent tantrum, I find myself feeling more free, reminded that I can read all I want, but at the end of the day, my own internal knowing has all the answers I really need.
If this concept is old hat for you...awesome, level unlocked, skip ahead and continue trusting that big, beautiful intuition of yours.
If you're reading this with a little crinkle of frustration in your brow, heres an embodiment exercise that can be incredibly helpful as we try to find the "best" path.
Embody both options:
Sit in a simple cross legged position
Close your eyes & envision yourself following through with one of your options
Notice what stirs in your body.
Does tension increase?
Does your breathing tense up?
Or maybe a smile starts to spread across your face?
Your heart beat increases with excitement?
Repeat this with the other options you're considering
What choice felt most aligned for you? What shows up here can be incredibly informative & brings us back to a place of empowerment in our decision making
As we begin to trust our intuition and embody our decision making, we stop seeking the answers outside of us. The question of "what SHOULD I do" begins to fade to a whisper & we can ground into the choices we make.
I get it - choices can feel so heavy sometimes, it's no wonder we're constantly looking outside of ourselves for the answers, but I swear there is some special magic waiting for us as we remind ourselves of our own internal knowing & begin looking internally for our answers.
If this has piqued your interest - I'll leave you with a question to chew on this week:
What is one tiny way that you can bring a bit more consciousness to my choices this week?
In gratitude,
Jaime